Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Tuesday, Cummunion

My husband and I have been married for more than 20 years, and I'm afraid he's cheating. Our love life has never been great, but several years ago it sunk to new lows.

At first I thought he was just tired from his long work hours, but then I started to wonder.When I call his office after hours, he rarely answers. He'll call back -- sometimes on his cell phone, and he is always "getting coffee" or "in the vault" when I call.

One time I even confronted him and asked if he was seeing another woman. He looked as if he was about to burst out laughing and said, "I would never want another woman."

He is usually honest, so I believed him, but I've started to wonder if I just asked him wrong or missed something in his answer.

I recently took a trip with the kids and when I came back I found out from friends that he hadn't gone to our church while I was gone. I found a flier in his Bible from a different church, and because he has always been a devout Baptist, I can't imagine him visiting a church from another denomination.

I started thinking it must be "her" church!

Would it be appropriate to call the pastor of this other church and ask if my husband came to church with anyone?

What do you think?

The body and the blood of Christ-ina!!!!!!!
I remember in eighth grade I went to CCD with a fun, lively group. We pretty much made fun of all the dorky kids in videos doing the "Right thing" in various situations. Then, we would have to go to confession every other week. I spent this time having my first makeout with a girl that developed way ahead of her time. Her boobs sparked my interest in going to CCD every Wednesday night, so you could say I had a religious experience. So, yeah I was confessing in to her face.
What this has to do with you is apparently church makes people horny. I have even known a couple of people that have boned on church grounds which is a bit disturbing, even for me.
If he is going to church with another woman, you are in trouble. Not only is he seeing another lady, but they are putting spiritual boners into it. Circle gets the square.
Like most of you whiny women that say "boo hoo, not fair," you need to sit down with this guy and talk about it. If your sex life is really suffering, dress up like see-through Mary Magdalene or have sex in a Howard Johnson's Inn (HoJo's) while the towel guy watches. Whatever you need to do to make that ship sail.
If he is cheating, well at least you get the house and half his earnings. Which, I'm pretty sure is a Lifetime victory for all women.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Maybe dudes just really love the idea of Sally Fields flying...in a nun costume...