Monday, Grandma Revenge

Please help me. Several years ago, my granddaughter -- age 17 -- beat me up. It was awful. She beat me all over and broke my knee. I have forgiven her, but somehow it eats at me. What should I do? I will never forget that beating, which happened because I wouldn't let her drive my car.

Did you get it on video? Because that's the only way it would kinda be funny. Other than that stop being a whiny old Grandma. First of all, what the shit did her parents do, and why weren't they there? Second, I hope you called the police on that cunt. Third, you should have organized a 'family party' only for it to be a setup in which you beat your granddaughter mercilessly. I'm talking 2x4 with nails on it. Or, find out if she has a boyfriend; send her pictures of you giving him fellatio. I'm pretty sure teenage girls hate seeing their boyfriends sucked off by Grandma. If you don't stand up for yourself, you will look like every other weak ass elderly person, and meanwhile your granddaughter is racking up money by being a guest on Maury. Also, is your granddaughter a dangerous minority? If so, it will probably be pregnant in a couple of months and then you can push her down the attic stairs. You're welcome.

Monday, NESW

I'm 39 and a college graduate with plenty of common sense. I'm not stupid, yet throughout my life I have had trouble differentiating between left and right, east and west. Any explanation?

You are a genuine retard.

Monday, Weight of the World

My boyfriend Chris is 6 foot 7. I'm 5 foot 4.

He weighs 240 pounds, I weigh less than 120.

Yet, he's very critical of women who have buckets and mentions it whenever my weight creeps up to around 125, which it sometimes does in the winter.

As to his weight, he admits that he should lose "maybe 5 pounds."

Now Chris is a smart man and a good one, yet he apparently does not see the disgusting spare tire that's building up around him. I ran a Body Mass Index on him. He needs to lose 20 pounds just to barely make it into the healthy category.

I told him his weight was not only a turnoff, but that it's physically unwieldy for me to be intimate with a man who outweighs me by 120 pounds. (Even if he were his ideal weight, he'd be a challenge.)

That got his attention, and he's trying to get back in shape. I'm going to stay on him in a loving way.

But it's still a mystery to me how men who are overweight feel free to be critical of women who are also overweight.

Nobody wants to fuck a porker. Mystery solved. However, 120 isn't bad. Just don't go over 125. The 120 range allows for some hot sweater-filling boob action, but puts the ass on the cusp of "You nasty!" The thing about your overweight guy is men don't have to look perfect. Alot of women like Bears fans. And some women are attracted to personality which alters their vision into physical attraction. Women are beautiful. And it is up to them to maintain that hot piece of ass.