Thursday, October 16, 2008

Thursday, Smelly Parents

My husband and I have decided to sell our house and move south. We plan to purchase a mobile home. I asked our adult children what they thought of our decision.

One son made a quick trip home. Most of what he had to say pertained to issues from the past. One remark stung: He said that my husband and I had not showered or used deodorant on the day of my mother's funeral. True, we didn't shower that morning, but we had the night before. Because we depend on well water and had three extra people in the house, we wouldn't have had enough for all five of us to get a warm shower. We did use deodorant and cologne, and my husband put on aftershave.

We were crushed by our son's comment. I no longer wish to be an overnight guest in his home because I know they will be watching my every move. I would be preoccupied with worry about whether I have body odor. I love my son and our daughter-in-law, but the thought of being around them now makes me uncomfortable.
Ewwwwww. You are a disgusting pig.
Your excuse for not showering is pretty awful. Growing up, my house depended on well water, and guess what Angela Smellsbury? It was quite enough. In fact, most of the time I take two showers a day. One at night and when I wake up in the morning. I pride myself in taking care of my body, unlike you, the walking European corpse.
To show up at a funeral smelling worse than the dead body tells me you live in the mountains or the south. Or you are really fucking old, and either way you smell.
Your son was just trying to help you. The fact that you get defensive at your son being truthful also tells me you are old. Old people get sensitive easier. Now you are taking it out on him and refusing to go to his house? You should be lucky if he lets you in smelling like a yeast infection from the civil war era.
You are selling a house for a mobile home?! Strike three you old fucks! Are you trying to suck before you die?