In Response to 'Writing Prescriptions'

To the person that I "offended" about my little joke (That was directed to my friend)- I was not picking on anyone (other than my friend). I'm very sorry to hear that things like that happen. But I think coming on to my blog where half the point is offensive humor and laying your personal shit down on me is a tad much. I (jokingly) made sexist comments about girl's being dirty liars, etc. Where were you there? Do you honestly go around comedy blogs looking to be offended? (As a friend pointed out) The solution of this is free will. I will continue making funny statements, and you don't have to look at my page when I do. Everybody wins!

P.S. No more memorial sites. I don't need your depressing family shit.

Wednesday, Love Connection 5.0

Alrite Kenny,

I am a 19, female, good looking...... Last summer I met a guy online, we fell in love ( actually, he then had just broken up with his girlfriend, seemed very lonely and desolated, so I just larked him that I love him, so that he feels not sad and broken) Then he started taking things too far..... he would start calling me with 'Wife' and other names which only a married women should be referred with...... I cleared him, does he really love me? His reply was yes he does. Hence , I too started falling for him. And we would talk of almost anything everything , even sex and other stuff

Then once when he was in my city, we met up and went superficially physical (He smooched me, felt his fingers over my body parts and, gave me bites) I didn't allow him to break my virginity though..... Its a taboo for an Indian girl..... we are supposed to break our virginity only after marriage....... Though I knew he would be marrying me, still, I didn't allow him perhaps because I was too young ( unfortunaltely, 18 is young in India)

Then some seven months back , he broke up.... my whole world crashed down....... (he broke up only because he is fairer than me , though am not dark, but he's very fair)

Now there is a guy, Mr. M, he says he loves me a lot..... He is a friend of my very good friend..... I met him also online...... this Mr. M knows everything about my past..... almost everything..... still he says he loves me and will always keep me happy....... we haven't met ever....

Mr. M is five years elder to me ...... He is from the same city as of mine, but currently he is working in UAE, and calls me up from there.....

When I am feeling low, he would sing for me.....

From his talks it appears, he really likes me..... but I wonder if he's telling honestly..... because once I have been a victim of same kind of love affair.....

Now I don't trust anyone..... almost no guy (when it comes to 'love') .....

This Mr. M says he will be coming down to my city soon and would want to meet me.....

What should I do Kenny.....? Should I meet him? Is he in love with me really?

Please tell me honestly if people can love (specially men) via virtual world, without seen someone for long.....

I have still not been able to come out of my past ..... I am still collecting the pieces of my heart..... it feels good when Mr. M says 'I love you' , but I get really scared as well......

Looking forwars to a prompt reply from you Kenny.

Love
Mishri Kapoor

First of all, Dr. Kenny digs the Indian love.

Ok, I'll disect this like I'm seperating sushi.

First up, the first guy you met online.. It was a good decision to keep your V-card in tact while this crooner was going all Big Man on Campus (BMOC) on you. Btw, thanks for the odd details, I felt like Andy Dick was telling me a story in the dark. When a guy starts calling you 'Wife' after a brief time you have been together it either means A. He's trying to rip up your V-Card B. Because he is creepy C. All of the Above. He probably did you a favor in the long run by breaking up with you.

The second guy you met online. I'm not sure if you just discovered AOL 6.0 but dating online is probably not the best way to meet Johnny Hunkenmeyer. Anyways, I'm pretty sure a friendship is possible by just talking, but I don't think that it's love. Love is when your girlfriend won't shut the fuck up while you are trying to watch the end of the Cubs game with Soriano coming to the plate and a guy on 3rd, and still being able to tolerate her despite her bitchy way of interrupting something that is close to your heart. -Or- love is when your boyfriend forgot your birthday but you understand that he is swallowing his pride to work at Jiffy Lube so he can get by so you don't pester him.

Final point, you are young. Get offline and join a volleyball team or something. There are guys out there that are assholes. So go meet them for real and then talk to me about lack of trust.