Monday, June 1, 2009

Monday, Friend Zone

I am a 30-year-old woman who is deeply smitten with a close friend I'll call "Andy." He often tells me about other women he's interested in. As his friend, I am more than happy to listen to his troubles and offer advice. At the same time, it's not always easy to hear about these women because of my feelings for him.

Do you think that once someone is in the "friend zone" it's possible to move beyond that? Or am I doomed to a lifetime of being "the friend"?

Step by step game plan:

1. Go out to a bar. Talk about what you normally talk about, whether it be that Mitch Hedberg joke you two always bring up, or how you cannot stand your friend Stacy and how she won't shut the fuck up about her meticulous details of her wedding plans.
2. Make sure Andy gets drunk.
3. Tell Andy you like him. Even if he doesn't like you back, he will have alcohol in his system. Odds are he will at least sleep with you. This will soften the blow that you are in the friend zone FOREVER!

Men are more oblivious when it comes to sending signals. So, if you are sick of hearing how many gals he bangs, tell him you don't want to hear it, or that you like him.
Being friends is important first, so you got that out of the way. If all else fails, sleep with his twin brother, or best friend. This will make him speak up if he really likes you.
Once again, I am right.

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