Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Tuesday, Cheat to Win

Our 10-year-old son, "Harry," is a sore loser. If we play a sport or a board game with him, he ends up in tears if he doesn't win. Sometimes he will cheat if he thinks it will help him win. He even becomes upset when his favorite hockey team loses a game.

We have told Harry repeatedly that games are supposed to be fun, but he seems unable to grasp the concept. We do not know what else to do. Can you help?

I sure can. I can help you.
Let's get something straight.. I was Harry...I still am Harry.
Look, mother that is worried about anything and everything, your son is becoming a man. It sounds like he has a do what it takes attitude. And quite frankly, I'm more proud of your son than you are. You should be ashamed of yourself. You probably don't know what it takes to win. You probably tried to start a small business selling pet supplies when you got the start up capital because your Father died of a Viagra induced heart attack and it failed. So you don't go for it anymore. If you want your son to succeed, you will encourage his behavior. To lie, cheat, kill...whatever it takes..is the blueprint to becoming a winner. End of story.
You really think it's a problem if he gets angry over hockey? No. And I'm glad this question came up. Here's why..(coming from my point of view):
I take all sports seriously, but for this demonstration lets use Notre Dame football. When the Irish lose, I lose. It is good for a person to invest their soul in something they cannot control. It's fucking romantic. To love under the best and worst circumstances. Is there a better man than that? Answer: Sure isn't! When the Irish lose, my Saturday goes out the window. I'm a dick, and sometimes I throw my stuffed football as hard as I can into the kitchen. When they win, you will never find a more charming, nicer guy than Dr. Kenny. Some people just love sports. At least he doesn't love cocaine and HIV filled sluts.
So, really mom? You don't want him to be a romantic? You don't want him to have a passion for something. You want him to be like you? Some woman that sits in a recliner all day in nothing but tube socks and a mustard stained robe. You are worse than that mother that drove her kids into a lake.

1 comment:

kerith said...

dr. kenny throws chairs at me when i have high cholesterol.