Friday, Fantasy drunk

Last weekend I drank a little too much and passed out on the floor of my room. Normally, your friends would take this as an opportunity to write on your body or put shaving cream on your face. Not my friends. They noticed that my fantasy football league was open on my computer and proceeded to release every player on my roster. Add to it that there is significant money involved, and I was in first place. Is this the most unforgivable "prank" that can happen to guy? Really, they could have slashed my tires and I would have been less mad.

That is fucking hilarious.

Throughout time, men have abused other unconscious men who fail at drinking. It's almost a rite of passage, and we have all been the abuser, or the abusee. This, however, takes things to a whole new level. First of all, you always close something as valuable as your fantasy football team especially when you have friends as roommates. You kinda have yourself to blame.

If anyone ever did that to me, they would always pay for it. Suggestions for revenge*:

1. Get on their email and write a family member pretending to be the person that you are out to ruin. Tell them you went out to a gay club, and that you liked it. That it felt dirty. Sexy dirty.

2. Wake them up in the middle night and tell them that police were called, and that their parents are dead. You can use the cold sweat that will ensue to water your plants.

3. Buy a ton of exotic ants. Cover their room to the point where somebody would ask them if they are the Keymaster. (This may backfire depending on how close your room is)

* Revenge may lead to counter-revenge
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Wednesday, Flirty.

I have been dating a guy for about six months. The issue I am trying to deal with concerns the number of his female friends. He is a single dad who raised his daughter on his own. She is involved in sports, and so he became friendly with a lot of the mothers of his daughter's friends. Most of these women are single, by the way.

I have met one or two of them, and they seem very nice. I believe there is nothing going on, but there are one or two whom I have not met, and I have overheard him being very flirty with them. I have asked him about it, and he gets defensive, saying it is playful and innocent. He also meets these women now and then for dinner.

I am becoming more and more uncomfortable with this, and so, in return, he is keeping things from me. What do I do? Can men and women really be just friends?

This is a good question, because every guy ever that has been in a relationship has had to listen to the whining, skull-numbing, verbal beating women give when they get insecure.

Men and women can be just friends. Dr. Kenny has many of them in fact. And sure every now and then, it can lead to a night of Led Zeppelin II, billion shots of patron, and panties in your laundry. But that is when you are single.

When you are with somebody, that factor goes away, unless you are an asshole and probably shouldn't be dating somebody anyway. The simple fact is this: If you were friends with them before, it is unfair to be asked to change the way you treat that friend because your girlfriend watched an Oprah special that day that made her feel like she had to be batshit insane.

And as far as a guy just talking to them at a social event involving their children, well what do you want him to do? Call the woman a slut because she complimented him on bring the orange slices at halftime?

Women are into confidence. It's a wide known thing. But men are too. If a woman constantly bitches about being jealous, that insecurity will turn into weakness. Weakness is a turn off. So, unless you want to go back to square one with your vibrator, just quit your bitching.

Wednesday, Can I call you a whore?

What do you think of a woman in her 40s who uses the word "whores" to describe 7th-grade girls? The girls in question are schoolmates of this woman's daughter and have limited to no experience with boys. One of them is my daughter.

The woman considers herself to be a good Christian, and she attends church regularly. I am just astounded by this behavior.

What do you think?

I think everyone has the right to use the word "whores." Have you seen teens today? They dress and act like whores. I personally blame THE MTV with all their bad programming, and that it is ok to be stupid and trashy. However, that's a two way street. If we didn't have teenage whores, we wouldn't have girls that: A. Know to swallow. B. Show you the magical uses of boobs C. let you fuck them in a parking lot.

I'm getting a little off track here.

I'm not sure why Miss Christianity would call your daughter a whore because you didn't explain all circumstances. Chances are your daughter is a whore.