Tuesday, Cheat to Win

Our 10-year-old son, "Harry," is a sore loser. If we play a sport or a board game with him, he ends up in tears if he doesn't win. Sometimes he will cheat if he thinks it will help him win. He even becomes upset when his favorite hockey team loses a game.

We have told Harry repeatedly that games are supposed to be fun, but he seems unable to grasp the concept. We do not know what else to do. Can you help?

I sure can. I can help you.

Let's get something straight.. I was Harry...I still am Harry.

Look, mother that is worried about anything and everything, your son is becoming a man. It sounds like he has a do what it takes attitude. And quite frankly, I'm more proud of your son than you are. You should be ashamed of yourself. You probably don't know what it takes to win. You probably tried to start a small business selling pet supplies when you got the start up capital because your Father died of a Viagra induced heart attack and it failed. So you don't go for it anymore. If you want your son to succeed, you will encourage his behavior. To lie, cheat, kill...whatever it takes..is the blueprint to becoming a winner. End of story.

You really think it's a problem if he gets angry over hockey? No. And I'm glad this question came up. Here's why..(coming from my point of view):

I take all sports seriously, but for this demonstration lets use Notre Dame football. When the Irish lose, I lose. It is good for a person to invest their soul in something they cannot control. It's fucking romantic. To love under the best and worst circumstances. Is there a better man than that? Answer: Sure isn't! When the Irish lose, my Saturday goes out the window. I'm a dick, and sometimes I throw my stuffed football as hard as I can into the kitchen. When they win, you will never find a more charming, nicer guy than Dr. Kenny. Some people just love sports. At least he doesn't love cocaine and HIV filled sluts.

So, really mom? You don't want him to be a romantic? You don't want him to have a passion for something. You want him to be like you? Some woman that sits in a recliner all day in nothing but tube socks and a mustard stained robe. You are worse than that mother that drove her kids into a lake.

Sister Act 3: We don't disagree

I have been dating a wonderful man I'll call "George" for the past 14 months. We have never had an argument or even a disagreement. We both have good jobs, like doing the same things, and we see each other every weekend. Our co-workers and family members have commented that we seem remarkably happy as a couple.

Don't get me wrong. George and I know what we like and dislike in life. We talk about things, have serious discussions and deal with whatever comes our way. But for some reason, my sister insists that by now my boyfriend and I should have had at least one good argument. She thinks it's weird that we haven't, and says we are "trying too hard" to make each other happy. She says George and I are ignoring things that could cause unhappiness.

My sister is younger, married, works full-time and has three kids. I think she may be secretly jealous of our relationship. So I ask you, DO all couples have to argue or have disagreements?

Blah. Sisters.

Sounds like she is a bitter, jealous woman that is just mad that her vagina looks like an M.C. Escher painting after pumping out three kids in a row. Your love life is kind of new-ish and exciting, meanwhile she can no longer get off in the shower because her hopes and dreams have been dismantled by a poker obsessed father, and three children that won't stop saying "mommy!"

Though, I still have to give her a point. 14 months and no argument. Does this guy not drink? Do you not drink. There hasn't been a single girl that I have ever dated where we didn't once or twice have a misunderstanding that led to an argument induced by alcohol. Try that one and see what happens.

Besides that, arguing is human nature. I don't know if you two are the most boring people in the world, or you are always fucking, but geez louise.

You mentioned that you only hang out on weekends. That could be it. You two should move in together. See how long your streak will keep up then.

Whether you fight or not, your sister will always be a sloppy bitch. And at least you have that.